Sharing my menopause journey has brought an important issue to the forefront for me. I talked about how when women reach this beautiful stage of life, they come into their own. It tends to coincide with our children growing up and no longer needing our daily care and allows us the freedom to do more for ourselves. This is a wonderful thing but can create this feeling of “where do I go from here?”. Many women who have identified as Mother, caregiver, or runner of the household now find themselves thinking about their LIFE PURPOSE.
Maybe because I am preparing for the college graduation of my youngest child and I just had my birthday, it makes me contemplate this period of my life a little deeper. Finding your purpose is really about finding out who you are; knowing yourself. Often this is hard for women because we have been brought up in a society where our needs come last. Even when we have a career, society still expects us to fit some perfect mold. I would like to think this is changing, but for my generation, as women we have a lot of weight on our shoulders. We have been expected to work, cook, clean, help the children with homework, do the laundry, the shopping- the list goes on. We are burnt out and I truly believe this is the root of the divorce rate. My ex-husband was out of work and decided to stay home and take online classes, which only took a few hours a day of his time. I still cooked supper when I came home from work! When I asked him if he would clean the house, since he was home, he looked at me like I had two heads! I guess it is obvious why that marriage didn’t work.
To find your life purpose you must first break free from mental limitations.
We have all seen those women; The ones that exude self-confidence, the ones that accept themselves and see their own inner beauty. The ones that can silence the inner voices that tell them they are not good enough. I really think the first step to getting to know yourself is having appreciation for the beauty that is in you. Stopping the harmful self-talk and loving ourselves exactly the way we are. In the book Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts , Regena Thomashauer writes,
“Ownership is the key to beauty. You got to dig on down and own yours to have yours. Every Sister Goddess- no matter how beautiful the world tells her she is- has to know and accept herself if she is to get hold of her own special brand of beauty, if she is to truly own it. Loving ourselves releases our life force and expands our beauty.”
She suggests looking in the mirror every day and saying, “hello beautiful” or “I love you” and eventually you will mean it. We must love ourselves now, not after we lose that 10 lbs.
Ask yourself “What do I love to do?”
To help dig into this question more, Leon Ho suggests in Full Life Framework asking yourself what activities light me up inside? If money were no object, how would I be spending my time? And to think back to when you were a child and what things brought you satisfaction, that the adult you has forgotten about? Reading this a few years back is what made me seek out horseback riding lessons. This has brought me a lot of joy and I am now sharing this with my husband and working toward our dream of having our own horse farm. I don’t know if this will ever tie into my life purpose but it sure will bring me a lot of pleasure. “Sit with animals QUIETLY and they will show you their HEARTS. Sit with them KINDLY and they will help you locate YOURS”—Ramblings of the Claury
Your life purpose is the intersection between what your values are, what you are interested in, and what your talents are.
According to Ho, having a purpose helps you to have more motivation in life, since you know the direction you want to go in. It can make you braver and stronger to tackle the challenges life throws at you. It can also add more meaning to your life. If you have a purpose, then your attention can go towards meeting that goal and will be more meaningful because it is in the service of your life goal.
My purpose in life has always been to help others. Becoming a dentist is one way that I accomplish that. People have many fears around going to the dentist and I find it very satisfying when someone says “that was amazing, I didn’t feel a thing” or when I can make someone willing to smile again. Becoming a health and life coach has also been a gratifying way to attain my goal of helping people. I have helped clients who retire and feel lost, find their life purpose once again. It is often everchanging depending on our circumstances. My newest endeavor is to become a functional medicine nutrition counselor. I intend to tie this into my dental practice, reminding people that their mouths are a part of their entire body and help them to realize that many symptoms they are having in their mouths stem from problems elsewhere in their bodies, and I will be able to help them get to the root of their problems. This is what I have been passionate about for some time now and I think I have found the way to bridge the gap between physician and patient in this broken health care system that we have now. Both Doug and I are going through this training for the next year and are very excited to start putting things in place. Also, my hygienist, Jacqueline Morrill-Faucher (my sister-goddess) and I are getting training in Myofunctional Therapy to help our patients who have breathing/sleep disorders. My practice is transforming into something more than just teeth-focused treatment and I am pretty excited about it.
When circumstances change in our life, we may struggle with feeling unfulfilled. When our identity role changes, we can feel confused and lost, and that is normal and ok. Finding life purpose is more of a journey. When life changes, it may take time to become clear about what you want or need. According to emotionmatters.co.uk , to find your purpose you should:
1. take steps to become healthier and happier. Getting enough sleep, good nutrition, and exercise can help you feel stronger if you are stressed.
2. Identify negative thoughts that keep you stuck from moving forward. Every time you have negative self-talk counteract it with some positive things you like about yourself.
3. Explore what career path might make you feel fulfilled. Work is such a big part of our lives it is important to feel happy about it.
4. Learn how to make the most of your experiences and skills. You have things to bring to the table that no one else can
5. Formulate a set of achievable goals and a plan of action
You can decide what kind of life you want to lead and set your life up to live that life. You have the power. “Your dreams are not too big for you. You would not have them if they were not just the right size and shape for the individual you are. They are blueprints of your future fulfillment”- Mama Gena.
I have always believed you can accomplish whatever you set out to do as long as you are willing to do what it takes to accomplish it. Best wishes my fellow Sister- Goddesses in creating this second half of your lives to be epic and bring you all the happiness that you deserve!
Written by Robin Davies, DMD, CHC